We spent a lot of hours putting this one together, a number of approaches, we had the beat in place which provided a very energetic feel, but we were having a hard time feeling comfortable about the song and complimenting the feel no matter what we tried. Then we took the bass out and replaced it with the Pro One synth sound you hear now and all of the sudden the song was speaking loud and clear to us. Matthew came up with the lick we added the guitar on top of it with a multitude of other synth sounds and the end result is what you hear. It’s always interesting to look back at how a song comes together, until I actually started recording in studios I never appreciated the music I have listened to through the years the way I do now. Every single element gets put under a microscope and you start throwing them all together and it’s like a chemical reaction the way sounds blend with one another. You create things out of thin air, it’s magic. This has helped me to be less critical to music, there will always be songs I don’t like and at the same time I am also aware of the work, the creativity, the hours, the heart put into all music. I personally don’t think music should be about making hits, which is how some songwriters approach music, to me it’s only a means of creative expression. The music I am drawn to is honest, soulful, heartfelt, it’s creative with sound, a song is merely a canvas onto which we paint. Not that I resist the way the music industry is today and how we treat music, but it is treated as a frivolous commodity which is bought and sold and it is also free. Like I said there are hours of work, years of life experience put into artistic creations of all kinds and no matter how you get your music I think it’s good to remember that. We’re such a cynical culture, we berate what we don’t care for like it’s a religious belief, it’s good to be passionate, I just wish we would be a little more compassionate towards artistic expression.
Save Me is a song I wrote about wanting to change. They stemmed from countless arguments from a previous lover and all the shame and guilt I was carrying from a life I lived that she was unaware of. It was coming clean in a way and also magnified my belief at the time that we are saved by the ones we love, they are here to change us, make us a better person and to focus on, to escape oneself. I have learnt differently since then.
I’ve learnt it is us up to me to fill the imaginary voids I hold within and about myself. The partners we choose aren’t responsible for making us better people they’re just along for the journey with you, the same way they have their own path to pave. My own personal worth is a main core belief that I am constantly looking to heal from. Through the years as a result of our experience of life we develop and hold on to core beliefs about ourselves. There’s a line in Save Me “I feel no worth, I’m like dirt, Everyone I love I seem to hurt.” A description about myself I wrote through the eyes of my inner child. I learnt early on to hold on to my pain, my struggles and not bother anyone with them, especially my parents. Life is tough for everyone at moments and through my eyes as a child I saw I needed to not bother my parents with my troubles because they had enough going on in their own lives.This is how some children will choose to take care of their parents, especially if they feel the world unsafe to be vulnerable in. This is also a breeding ground for diseases and addiction.
Without anyone to share with, being a target of constant and aggressive bullying, believing I had no safe connection in the world, I developed a belief of worthlessness, that no one would want to know the real me. With all of that hurt and dysfunction building up, the mind and body wants to find a way to soothe it. If you don’t have the capacity to communicate your hurts or the skill set to emotionally release your inner turmoil, things like a drink, a joint, pills, food, tv, video games etc... will release soothing chemicals in the brain triggering your reward center to tell you that everything is ok, but it is always temporary. Which is why you can see how one would keep going back to that source of happiness regardless of the consequence because they know no other way to cope. I read a book ‘In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts’ by Dr. Gabor Mate, he works with addicts in the downtown Eastside of Vancouver. He has tended to thousands of patients over the years and in it he describes how when he asks heroin users what is it that is appealing about using and the most frequent response he receives is using heroin is like the warmest most loving hug you receive from your mother. It’s interesting because thats what most of them were and are missing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from their care givers. I emphasize UNCONDITIONAL because whether were willing to admit it or not the love we put forth in our lives, usually comes with conditions. “I love you until you do something I believe is wrong then I don’t” and it’ll be communicated by aggressive language or passive aggressive behaviors.
It’s a different experience when you’re an adult, as adults we all engage with different levels of awareness of ourselves and the world. It is not the same for children, they are little sponges learning how to function in this world from their closet connections, the bulk of which comes from their family unit. When we hit children, use aggressive language, scold and punish them we are literally saying to the child’s mind I don't love you when you do this or that and they translate it into something being wrong about themselves. That's not say we’re not supposed to discipline our children, there are just less traumatic ways to go about it and they need to be re-affirmed that they are loved afterwards even when they do something we consider wrong. They're children, they’re not little adults, they are always learning and developing how to be in this world following the cue of their primary caregivers. The wonderful thing is that development and growth never stop until the day we die and some say its continues beyond that event. There is nothing permanent about our lives on earth, it is always changing with each passing second and we need to let go of the fact that we have no control over this and then choose to sit through the fear of the constant unknown. Sit with it until you’re comfortable and accepting of it. Not to say you’ll achieve a never ending state of happiness but you will see an endless possibility of what you can do and be in this life. In the words of my beautiful woman “You are limitless!”
I fucked up lost your trust
It drove away like a bus
I told you lies, I hid the truth
How am I with a woman like you?
When your hearts been torn
Still your love is shown
Can you save me?
I feel no worth, I’m like dirt
Everyone I love I seem to hurt
You’re on my side still I try
To tell you all the ways I’m right
This ego’s strong
Even when I’m dead wrong
Can you save me
I’m walking around with a head and a heart that’s full of pain
Spreading myself so thin and saying that I’ve changed my ways
I haven’t changed a thing
No I’m still the same
Look at my face
Can you save me?
You live your life like it’s the last
Day that will ever pass
And the passion that’s in your heart
Is more than anyone ever got
You put your neck on the line
You do it just save a life
Of anyone without a voice
It’s like you never had a choice
Oh yah you’re so good
I wish I was too
Can you save me?
I’m walking around asking myself what would you do now
There’s nothing to lose when you stop living life for yourself
Even though I put you through hell
You loved me like no one else
You’ve saved me
from The Truth,
released August 7, 2012